Plan B is the new Plan A
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
