I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I enjoy the company of your penis
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
