Pregnant stripper...not hot.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
