I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
