i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
