She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
