Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
