Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
