i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
