They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
