And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
