Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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