I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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