No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
