I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
