either way he was missing a nipple.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
