So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
