Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
