I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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