You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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