I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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