I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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