"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
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I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
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i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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