all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
