I got chris browned last night
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
