a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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