actually, I'm a sock model
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
