Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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