she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
