I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
