You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So much rum. So many feels.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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