I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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