lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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