new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
