Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
