Sry I called you an 8
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
