I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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