So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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