The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
