you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
