I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
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You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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