I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
