Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
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I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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