why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
