wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
