Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
God gave him joint rollers for hands
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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