She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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