So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
