its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
