Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
