first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
