i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
