yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
