so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
