You made me cry and you don't even care
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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