Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
