I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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