i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
