You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
