then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
