Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize
