Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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