he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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