i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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