Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
