omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
