I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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