Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
