Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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