Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
